so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
