i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Randomize
