Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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