Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize