if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
