We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
