i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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