I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
