Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
