So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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