Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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