im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
