and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
