Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
