I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
