omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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