One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
We left the knife in your bed.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
