eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
