A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
