CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
She just used a chaser for red wine.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
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I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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