ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
