It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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