Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
