He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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