How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
