its not stalking. its research.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
