Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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