Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
