Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
