and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
