Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
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