you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
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She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
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I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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