I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
