I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
