Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
