if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
