dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
