Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
accomplished twins. life is a go
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
She bit a glass in half.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
