so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
