Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
