I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
