im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
