pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
