My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
