i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
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Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
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i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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