theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
