am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
