i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
