i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Randomize
