I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
