There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
