Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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