I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
