I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
