Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
