One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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