I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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