dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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