im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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