So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
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