Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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